Hanging Posters

Some little gnome tore down all of my posters. It's true. Want to see? I'll show you. But first, let me tell you how I know.

I saw him.

It's true. I promise you. OK, so maybe I wasn't there, in person at least. But I was there in...spirit. I set up this awesome little motion detector camera thing. I had it aimed towards my posters. See, they fall down about every day, and I've always wondered why. I was going to find out.

So, I had this little camera set up, and I had my posters up, and then I left. I walked out the door and locked it behind me.

The next time I went to my room, sure enough the posters had fallen again. I got really excited then, and I ran to my camera and opened it. I was shocked to find that the video that had been made was only about a minute long. I sat on the floor and pushed play.

The short video was absolutely amazing. The door never opened, but a tiny, ugly, fat little man appeared near my posters. He cackled maniacally, and reached toward the first poster. Needless to say, he couldn't exactly reach it, but amazingly, it didn't seem to be a problem for him. His arm seemed to reach and reach, but it never seemed long. He tore the poster from the wall, and grinned evilly. His tiny red beard seemed to sparkle with an almost sinister glow, reflecting his smile. One after the other, he went around the room and tore down my posters, stomping defiantly over each of them as he moved to the next. When the last one fell, he turned and gazed around the room, stopping at the camera.

He winked, and then he was gone.

I couldn't believe my eyes at first. Then, I knew I had found something amazing. Still want to see? Come on, let me show you!

The Club

"The weight of this situation is really pulling me down here, guys."

"I know. Totally."

"I mean, she's turning eight! That means we have to include her in our eight-only club. I don't want her to be in our club. We made it eight-only just so that she couldn't join!"

"Yeah. Why couldn't she like, turn eight next year, after we make it a nine-only club?"

"Totally."

The situation was indeed grave. Charlotte, the most dumb girl in the world, was going to be eight soon. And she was going to want to join our club. We had started the club a couple months ago, my two friends and I. We were all eight, and we all had birthdays in the same month, so there was no problem thinking of a club that would keep her out and us safe from her. Now, though, we had a problem. She was eight- and we were doomed.

The next day at school, Charlotte bounced up to us and announced, "I'm in your club now. I'm eight!"

Like we didn't already know.

"Yeah, but Charlotte, we..." I stalled. What were we going to do to keep her out of the club?

My buddy Ryan stepped in. "We're redesigning the club. It's not going to be official for a couple of days. We're making drastic changes. We can't tell you what they are though."

"Totally. They're like, top secret and stuff." Good old Alison.

"Well, whenever you get it ready, I'm totally in it. I'm eight now."

Thank you, Captain Obvious. (Lee Dumb.)

That night, Ryan, Alison and I were thinking hard. What on earth could we do to keep dumb Charlotte out? We were wracking our brains.

Then it hit me. Actually, it hit all of us. I think we were probably all staring at the calendar.

We all talked at the same time: "The club has to be November-birthdays-only!"

"Only November birthdays should be allowed!"

"We all have to share the same birthday month!"

We all stared at each other.

We are brilliant sometimes.

Candy Time

Everyone who's older than six knows you can make candy easily. I mean, all you have to do is mix water and sugar and like two flavors. It's easy. I've seen my mom do it. All she did was get out a spoon and pour some liquid brown sugar stuff into it, then melt some other stuff in a pan, and...I had the recipe. How hard could it be?

So when my teacher told us we had to make some food or something for a project my class was doing, I was all over it and ready to start some candy. The youngest kid in my class, who is only eight, wanted to help, but he's too little, so I got a couple of my friends (they're nine) and started. We had the little kitchen down the hall, and we could do whatever we wanted, as long as the teacher said we could. I showed her my recipe, and she said to go ahead, it was easy. So we walked into the kitchen, ready to start making candy.

The stove was the first really hard part. It wouldn't turn on. So we just used the microwave and put a couple things in there at the same time. The teacher was watching other kids- and they were all making a mess- so we pretty much could do whatever. So we did.

The next hardest part was figuring out how much was a tsp. I mean, that's not very good instructions. How are we supposed to know what a tsp is? How does anyone know? So we just poured some in until we thought it looked good.

The next part was shaping it. It was really hot, too- it had been in the microwave for like twenty minutes. We finally got it cooled down a little bit and tried to make shapes or something with it, but it was really hard. I mean rock solid. So we just got out Mike's (that's my friend) rock for show and tell and used that to break the candy into little pieces. It looked pretty tasty, but I didn't want to be selfish, so we took a big chunk to our teacher. She didn't really like it, but I don't think she has much of a sweet tooth, so we just took it back to the room and put it on the display table. We disguised it as edible decoration.

I think people liked it. It was completely gone after we presented the project.

The trash bag was really heavy when we took it out later. There must have been a lot of people who ate our candy and then were too full for other food. I guess they just threw away all the other stuff.

I am the Bomb

My costume was the bomb. I mean, how many twelve-year-olds actually think of something like this? I was so sure I was going to win. There was no way I could lose with this bomb costume. Did I mention it was bomb? Oh yeah. I did. A couple times.

So there I was, in line, waiting for the announcement of the winner. I was smiling, because of course I was going to win. It was just going to happen. I could feel it. Then this little girl- I have no idea how she was twelve- she looked, like, nine- sneaked around the corner towards the judges. I see this little hand sneak out and put something on the table. The judges- who were all juniors in high school- grabbed the thing off the table and stuck it in their pockets. They nodded to the little girl and she turned and ran back to her place in line. She was dressed like- you guessed it- Miley Cyrus. I mean, really? How old are we here?

I have no idea what she gave the judges, but it doesn't bother me. I'm still going to win. Nothing can make me lose. I mean-- bomb costume, remember.

Then the judges make their announcement. I'm waiting for a "Cade Stinson!" to ring out, telling everyone just HOW bomb my costume is, but instead I hear the judges all clearing their throats and kind of "um"-ing, you know? Like they don't want to announce the winner! What is that all about? Finally, the really tall guy gets up and hold the microphone up to his mouth. He opens his mouth and says, really slowly, "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you this year's sixth-grade Halloween Costume Contest winner. Please give a round of applause for Jenny Roth!"

WHAT?

There's a stunned silence. I think everyone was expecting me to win, too.

Jenny steps forward. Holy cow, it's the Miley Cyrus girl. I think...I think she bribed the judges. I lost because she...I glance at the judges. They're all pulling candy out of a huge zip-lock bag. I lost because she bribed the judges! How can that be fair?

And what can I do about it? I'm just a twelve-year-old in a bomb costume.