To My Friends :)

So having your wisdom teeth taken out does things to you. Let me tell you, painkillers are WEIRD. They make me tired and wired and itchy and hot and restless all at the same time. Man, I could sleep forEVER. Or at least that's what I say. Last night was a bit rough, though.

Being awake at 3 in the morning makes you think. You probably know this. Gosh, I so badly wanted to write, but I was shaking and in pain and I just couldn't get myself out of my warm bed. So here's what I remember from my restlessness last night:

1. I miss my friends. :)

2. I never want to have oral surgery EVER again.

3. My cheeks are more puffy than a chipmunks. No, sorry, no pictures.

4. I miss writing, and even when I feel this bad, I want to all the time.

5. Being tired all the time provides ample opportunity for awesome, book-inspiring dreams.

6. As much as I hate stress, I really do love school.

7. I am a procrastinator, and I forgot to bring a couple assignments home with me.

8. Netflix is the best thing ever if you feel like this.

That's about all I can remember. But yeah...

I am inspired by you guys. Thanks for keeping me in your prayers this week. I love you!

Also, Zephaniah 3:17.

I Know I Know

The sun is hidden behind a haze

And I can't see to get to you

No I can't seem to get through

This horrible hindering worldly maze

I know

I know

You're here

So near

Hold out your hand to me

And I will search through the pressing dark

Even though I'm sure to miss my mark

Because I cannot ever see

I know

I know

You're here

So near

Dear, I'm waiting at the door

I can feel the shadows so close

Inches away--a foot at the most

Their feet pound on the dirty floor

I know

I know

You're here

So near

But your grasp feels weak

And you act so distant

You seem so resistant

My sightless hands are seeking

I know

I know

You're here

So near

So save me

Pull me into your gaze

Out of this awful, dark haze

Open my heart--only you have the key

But Inside

I act so strong but
Inside I'm so weak
I fight the world away
But secretly long for it
I am independent but
Not without you near
I carry a strong sword
But to me it's so heavy
I shoulder my load but
I'm bending under the weight
I brave the darkest nights
But I shy away from shadows
I stare into your eyes but
Somehow I'm still sightless
I push you so far away
But I want you to hold me
I am ready for the battle but
My armor is full of holes
I pull back my bow of bitterness
But fall so short of the mark
I aim for your heart but
Instead I pass right by
I open my own doors
But they all close behind me
I act so strong but
Inside I'm weak and alone
I fight the world away
But secretly I long for you

The Falcon and the Hawk

The girl stared at the gun barrel with a cold, calculating indifference in her old eyes. It seemed to Vann that the girl's eyes were not the same age as the rest of her; they had seen too much too soon. This, however, was Vann's last thought.

The gun smoked as the girl slid it coolly back into her purse. She looked at the man, laughed shallowly, then turned on a shiny silver stiletto heel and continued on her way. The black jewelry hanging from her neck clinked gently with the sway of her hips, and her dirty blond hair swished and fluttered in the cool evening breeze. She pushed her sunglasses down over her eyes, and with a smile tickling the corner of her lips, she broke through the crowd outside the club, flashed her ID, and walked in without a word.

The Falcon was a high-class, celeb-only type of club. Only the elite gained entrance. Jaz was neither elite nor celeb, but no one bothered to look twice when she waved her license in their faces. The bouncers backed away and waved her in the doors, and she strutted to the center of the dance floor, doing a quick once-over of the room. Jaz's jaw was set when she took off across the room towards a small metal door. Her hair whipped behind her, and her silver dress made no sound. The only noise she made was the sharp 'click-click' of her heels on the tile of the dance floor.

Jaz pressed her ear flat to the door. Anyone watching would not have noticed her quick knock and her mumbled password; they would only have seen a shockingly beautiful girl lean on a door and then quickly fall into the room behind it.

She shut the door quickly behind her, then took off her shades. Her eyes pierced the darkness, quickly finding the desk and the large, sweating man seated behind it. She nodded to him and laid a thick manila envelope on the desk.

"Done," was all she said.

The fat man nodded and slid a thin folder toward her. "Time for number two. This guy's got a record with us. Owes about two mil, and he's evaded my best for a full year. You find him, you get twice this much," he said, putting a small briefcase on the desk.

Jaz nodded, grabbed both the folder and the briefcase, and walked back out the door. Her sunglasses went down again, and she slid out of the club just as quickly as she had entered it.

The briefcase thumped against her leg, and a single, shifty-eyed man watched her carry it down the street. He noticed with interest that the case read "N.J.Hawk."

With You

I drum my nails

On the hard rails

Contemplating

Not complaining

Of the present

I'm so content

To stay here

With you near

I smile

For a whille

And you

Grin too

Your eyes

Produce sighs

When you're looking

At me I sing

Even with

This myth

I'm hard to get

It's you I met

And I fell

Don't tell

It's you I love

My mourning dove

Standing in the rain

You take away the pain

You make me laugh

A perfect smile graph

Even in a storm

You keep me warm

So I'm not complaining

Just contemplating

Thinking of

Our love

And I try

Not to cry

When you're away

And clouds are gray

I think of you

And they turn blue

Meet The Beauty

Once upon a time...

There was a beautiful girl. This girl was made all the prettier by the fact that she did not think she was beautiful. This girl lived outside of a small village. The village was full of older people, mostly retired. Every day, the girl walked four round-trip miles to take care of the older people. She brought warm meals, blankets, and stories. The people loved her and repaid her for her kindness with money. The girl, being humble, took only what she needed and nothing more. Every day, because of her kindness and humility, the girl grew more beautiful.

One day, a strange man moved to the village. He was younger than most of the others there: more active, darker hair, and lighter skin. He smiled often and laughed loudly. The people of the town came to love his humor, but no one knew where he was from. No one bothered to ask.

The girl, however, was drawn to the strange man, and asked him many questions. Though never entirely answering them, the man always smiled and countered her queries with a smile and another question. The girl loved talking to the man.

One day, she asked the question no one else would.

"What is your name, sir?" she asked.

The man grew suddenly quiet and solemn. Quickly the girl--Lizza was her name--apologized. "Sir, if I have offended you, I am sorry. I meant nothing by my question."

The man smiled at her, but his eyes were sad. "Lizza," he said, "you have brought me memories of a time that I wished to forget. I was once the husband of a girl...so like yourself. I loved her, but she had no experience with the world, and when I gave her the option, she left me." He sighed. "Lizza, darling, I do not want you to be like her. I want you to know who you are. Do me one favor."

"Anything!" She exclaimed.

The man walked to his desk and, retrieving a key from his deepest pocket, unlocked a drawer. From the drawer he pulled a small metal box. This, too, he unlocked. He handed Lizza the contents. She stared at it in wonder and disbelief--$20,000!

"Why are you giving me this?!" she wondered aloud.

The man smiled again. "My girl, go into the world. Leave this village. Go learn the ways of people your own age. Gather experience. Leave! That is what I ask."

Lizza lowered her head and looked at the money in her hand. She had promised the man; she would keep her promise, but she already regretted having to leave the village.

Sunlight Like Pearls

Today

The world is dancing

It picked up cloud skirts

And tiptoed through the roses

It tossed sunlight like pearls

It sighed a cool breeze

And ran off to bed

Tonight

The world is singing

It put on stars like jewelry

And it's showing it off

The sky hugs the ground

And wraps it in clouds

Then kisses it with the moon