Miracles--Intro--Flashback

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

I closed the book slowly, not wanting it to end, not wanting to put the Christmas boxes away. I love Christmas...but I haven't always. In fact, it wasn't too long ago that I hated Christmas with a passion so complete, so destructive it hurt those that I loved most...

Flashback: 1998

"DAN!" She screamed up the staircase so loudly that her children scattered. They knew what was coming next. The oldest slipped out the front door, car keys in one hold. The others ran to their room and covered themselves, pulling blankets and pillows over their ears. Hearing their parents fight would always be only one thing: scarring.

"Mae? What's wrong now?" Dan loped down the stairs, taking them two or three at a time.

"Daniel Ryan Cliff! I can't believe you. You signed us up again. Without asking me. What is wrong with you? Mae screamed.

"Mae, calm down. We do this every year. Come on, hon, don't start this again." Dan tried to keep calm, but already his face was turning red and he clenched his fist.

"How can you expect me to be calm? These people that you make us see every year drive me nuts. Every year. EVERY year. They come up to me and fuss and talk about how much they miss me, and whine and complain about every little thing. Dan, you know I hate this time of year. I'm the one that balances the checkbook, not you, and I have to deal with this crap." Dan tried to grab her arm. "Get away from me! I will not go with you this year to this insane little Sunday school charade you act out."

Mae threw the paper she had been holding to the ground and stomped off, slamming doors behind her.

Dan looked after her for a minute, running his hand over his face. He sighed and bent down to retrieve the paper. After flattening it out as best he could, he laid it on the table next to the front door and walked back upstairs.

The youngest child, Ana, only eight, picked up the page and gazed at it.

"Christmas Party, First Grace Church, Friday nat--night. RSVP." She ran to her older brother, Mark. "Mark, why doesn't Mommy want to go to a Christmas party? I love Christmas! And what does RSVP mean?"

Oh Christmas!

Christmas is near. It's just around the corner. It's hiding behind stockings and dancing with sugar plums. It's tantalizing you with a pile of presents under a sweet-smelling tree.

It's luring you in. Can you feel it? That pull. It's a yearning that you can't deny. Holidays!

"All this holiday cheer/ Heaven knows where it goes/ But it returns every year." -Peppermint Winter, Owl City

So where does the holiday cheer go every year?

Do we pack it away with the boxes full of ornaments, lights, and garlands? Is it thrown out with the brown, sickly tree? Is it shoveled aside with the snow?

Or do we willingly leave it and move to our next task?

Why can't we keep holiday cheer? Why can't it be a year-long cheer? Something that we have with us all year long, something that we never completely lose?

Why can't we all just be happy the rest of the year?

So this, here's a Christmas present to others and a New Year's resolution to everyone else.

Don't lose your cheer this year. Keep it with you. You'll be happier...and so will everyone around you.

Fallen: Revised

The Lord said Breathe, and we did,

One sweet, strong breath.

The Lord said Look, and we did,

The beauty of the world before us.

The Lord said Hear, and we did,

Sounds of praise and worship.

The Lord said Feel, and we did,

Wonders at our fingertips.

The Lord said Smell, and we did,

A sweet and pleasing aroma.

The Lord said Live, and we did,

A good life praising Him.

The Lord said Love, and we did,

Wholeheartedly loving Him.

The Lord said all things, and we listened,

We did what He said.

The Lord said Taste, and we did,

One taste too many.

The one most important thing

And we failed the Lord.

The Lord said Do Not Eat,

And we ate of the one tree.

We were weak; we were mortal;

We were flesh, He is Perfection.

We were nothing but words,

He is The Word.

He gave to us all things

And we took them for granted.

If only we had listened!

If only we had known!

If only we had obeyed

The perfect word of God!

If only we had listened!

If only we had known!

Stars

Stars

Lights

Hopes

Dreams

Fears

Failures

Living life

The way it ought

To be lived

This is what we are

Flesh and bone

Dust and water

Sin and sorrow

Fallen angels

Empty earth

Failures

Fears

Dreams

Hopes

Lights

Stars

Bing, Bang, Bong

Here's the deal. This was a title assigned to me in class. I got the title and was told to write a poem about it. So, this is what came out. It's pretty rough, I think, but also fun and very vivid. I'm not sure whose idea the title was, but I'm pretty sure they were not thinking comic books when they wrote it. Anyways, I had fun with it, and here's the poem that came out of it!

Comic book frames

Tiny squares

Full of stillness

Full of action

Superheroes are born

They fly across

Once-white pages

Aiding damsels in distress

Villains make artful entrances

Terrorize the townsfolk

Make faces at the reader

Laugh in the face of trouble

Suddenly—Confrontation

The humble hero

Enters the scene

A fight ensues

The page is cluttered

With loud colors

Bright and gripping

Illustrated duels

Comic sounds

Spring forth

Bing, bang, bong

Whap, pow, bam

Colors mix together

In a Technicolor flash

Leading the reader on

Until the final, frozen frame

The colors slowly fade

Leaving blank, staring space

And the completion

Of a good story

My Man, Weather

The wind

With his hand in the small of my back

Pushes me on

Brushing his cool fingertips

Across my lips

Running his hands through my hair

The leaves

Run circles around my feet

Like a cat

Warming up to a visitor

The snow

Leaves tiny, wet kisses

On my cheeks and nose

Lands softly on my shoulders

He loves me

And I love him

The Last Enemy That Shall Be Destroyed Is Death

Stroke after stroke I fight

Breathing hard, heavy gasps

Clinging to life as a man on the edge of a cliff

One last blow and I shall be victorious

One last blow and I shall walk away

Who is the enemy? Fear or violence?

I fight both and neither

I fight the one that took my life

My good life, my happy family, my home

Everything I treasured is lost

And so I fight as never before

My enemy! Oh, my enemy!

He is strong, he is fast, he is fearless

He is Death itself

And so I shall kill death and reclaim what is mine

The last fell swoop of my sword

Death falls slowly and silently

The black cloak falls to the ground

Stained in blood and malice

I watch as it flutters, so like a leaf

I stand in my red cloak, untarnished but by hate

Death took everything from me

I longed not for victory, fame, glory

I longed for justice and vengeance

So I stand over the body of my enemy

My face a grim mask

Sword in one hand, hate in the other

I have conquered Death

Before Death could conquer me

Never Leave You Nor Forsake You

"Guilty!" The voice was loud, harsh, and cruel. It brought me out of my misery and into the fear that was the present. I deserved this, but that didn't mean I was ready for it. Death is never something one looks forward to. Having one's head chopped off is even less pleasant to think about. I took a deep breath, hung my head, and resigned myself to my fate. I had killed a man: this is what I should have happen to me. What did I think? That I would get off, no consequences, no nothing?

It was a long walk to the execution block. I walked slowly, dragging my feet, unwilling to walk to where I was supposed to be. The guards pushed and shoved me, poking me with the butt of their guns until I staggered on another step. I fell once, and with my arms tied behind my back, it was very painful. I was pulled roughly to my feet and shoved on again.

The walk dragged on and on. The path stretched before me, seeming longer with every step, and with every step my dread become more pronounced. My fear grew to a level I had not known was possible, but it was not until I saw the block that I realized true fear. The block was rough, un-sanded wood. It was hard, cold, and unmoving. The worst part, however, was the blood. All around it, there was a stain, a deep, scary, dark stain--red.

When I got up close and looked down at the last place I would lay my head, I saw one thing: a notch. There was a deep groove in the wooden block where the ax had come down many, many times over. Around the whole area, there was a feeling of a constant scream--like someone was still there, still weeping, still seeking reprieve. Still trying to escape. I, however, was nearly resigned. I had fought this too long already. This was where I was going, this is was I deserved. I fell to my knees and bent my head to the bloody block.

Suddenly there was a commotion around me. I looked up, startled, and saw a man with a dark, hooded jacket on. He was enveloped in shadows, so I could not tell who he was, but I could tell the people around me were astonished by him. What had he done?

Then I was grabbed from behind and pulled to my feet again. What was this? What were they doing? I was so afraid that I simply stepped away from the block. The man in the jacket bowed his head and bent his knees. As he lowered himself to the ground and bared his neck, throwing back his hood, I saw his face. Oh! What a face! It was full of peace, beautiful beyond anything I had seen, yet homely at the same time. It was humble, full of love, and yet there were tears in his eyes.

What was he doing? I deserved that spot. He had done nothing wrong!

As he put his head on the block, I heard him whisper: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."

My jaw dropped. This man--this perfect, free man, was giving himself for ME! He was taking my place! I fell to my knees and covered my face with my hands. The love of this stranger was incredible.

The hooded executioner stepped up. He raised his ax high above his head and brought it down quickly, effortlessly. I pushed back, away from the man, as the ax came down and ended his life. This man! Killed for my faults!

I had found new love. I had found a purpose. I had found the one man that would die for a random stranger in trouble. I had found my savior.

The Repressed Student

Five numbers

Branded on arms--

Which are you?

Numbers necessary

To eat, to pass

Repressed class.

Keys are handed

Heavy and cold--

Not to unlock

But to unload.

Mandatory meetings

Happy moments fleeting.

Classes drag on

Attention wanders--

Discipline is sharp

For tired eyes.

The days drag on

With a weary yawn.

Hope comes

Riding the horizon--

A week of sleep

The chance to escape.

Let's run away

For the holidays.

Shades of Fear

It is at night that you can hear

The quiet, chilling sounds—

Ghosts, specters, shadows, shades of fear.

Slim shapes of shadows grow near

At dusk when it is quiet,

But it is at night that you can hear.

Their shapes are distorted, fuzzy, queer,

They swim through unworldly haze—

Ghosts, specters, shadows, shades of fear.

They instill in children an unholy fear

As they sing a haunting tune,

For it is at night that you can hear.

They seem to live off goodwill and cheer,

For they suck it all away—

Ghosts, specters, shadows, shades of fear.

The haunting sounds may bring a tear

For the song is hollow, empty, wild,

And it is at night that you can hear

Ghosts, specters, shadows, shades of fear.

A Lively Jive

Bright blue grass blowing in the wind
Waving back and forth and sighing
A warm breeze is always a friend
The weather is relying in its embrace

The trees sway with the soft sounds
The birds sing along gaily
To the beat the wind resounds
Daily the ants march to the tune

The skies shine so brightly
The blue of the wind and clouds
Mixing with the sun and holding on tightly
The loud colors swirl into softness

Tiny, dainty flowers push from the ground
Shouting out a love for the world
Their harmony resounds
Like an unfurled song sheet

The humm of the bees in the hive
Adds a chorus to the song
The animals dance to a lively jive
And the whole world jigs along

Fallen

The Lord said Breath, and we did.

The Lord said See, and we did.

The Lord said Hear, and we did.

The Lord said Feel, and we did.

The Lord said Taste, and we did.

The Lord said Smell, and we did.

The Lord said Live, and we did.

The Lord said Love, and we did.

The Lord said all things, and we listened.

The Lord said Do Not Sin, and we failed.

The one most important thing

And we failed the Lord.

We were weak; we had mortality;

We had flesh, He had Perfection.

We had words, He had The Word.

He gave to us all things

And we took them for granted.

If only we had listened!

If only we had known!

If only we had loved

Like he had shown us how to love.

If only we had listened!

If only we had known!

If only we had been

Like he showed us how to be.

My Wish

I wish that you could see me

For who I am inside.

I wish that I could be free

From the always-changing tide.

I wish that you would hold me close

And never let me go.

I wish that I could pose

As a friend and not a foe,

But you cannot see me

And the way things could be.

Cannot, Without You

You lie there and I wonder

I hope you feel alright

I’ll stay right beside you

I’ll stay till morning light

Your face looks so peaceful

But your body’s wracked with pain

I try to stay optimistic

But I can’t ignore that bloody stain

Your hands are growing colder

Your breaths become so shallow

The roses in your cheeks fade

Your skin looks so sallow

Please don’t leave me here alone

Please don’t ever go

I cannot live with you

Oh! How I love you so!

Your hands are shaking so much

But I just can’t tell why

I drop it once and gasp

The gasp turns into a sigh

I stare at your sleeping face

Surrounded so by white

There must be something there

That will stay with me and fight

Your eyes flutter slightly

I can feel your flickering pulse

It slowly stops its beating

But no! It must be false!

You cannot leave me here alone!

Please come back to me!

I cannot live without you!

Oh please, can’t you see?

Based on the song "Things Left Unsaid" by Disciple

The Life and Death Brigade

This is the secret society to which we raise our glasses

Cheers to the Life!

Cheers to the Death!

Cheers to the Brigade!

Cheers and cheers and cheers

Forget your fears

This is the Life and Death Brigade

This club is wizened

Ancient and awesome

An illusionist could not summon our roots

The cry is never for idle entertainment

But rather shards, flame, fire

Fuse us together

Fuse us into this Brigade

The secret society to which we raise our glasses

Cheers to the Life!

Cheers to the Death!

Cheers to the Brigade!

Cheers and cheers and cheers

This is the Life and Death Brigade

Heartbreak Warfare by John Mayer

If you've ever liked someone and they didn't like you back, this is the song for you. I love it--it's so emotional.

Lightning strikes

Inside, my chest to keep me up at night
Dream of ways
To make you understand my pain

Clouds of sulfur in the air
Bombs are falling everywhere
It's heartbreak warfare
Once you want it to begin,
No one really ever wins
In heartbreak warfare

If you want more love,
why don't you say so?
If you want more love,
why don't you say so?

Drop his name
Push it in and twist the knife again
Watch my face
As I pretend to feel no pain

Clouds of sulfur in the air
Bombs are falling everywhere
It's heartbreak warfare
Once you want it to begin,
No one really ever wins
In heartbreak warfare.

If you want more love,
why don't you say so?
If you want more love,
why don't you say so?

Just say so...

How come the only way to know how high you get me
is to see how far I fall
God only knows how much I'd love you if you let me
but I can't break through at all.

It's a heartbreak...

I don't care if we don't sleep at all tonight
Let's just fix this whole thing now
I swear to God we're gonna get it right
If you lay your weapon down
Red wine and ambien
You're talking **** again, it's heartbreak warfare
Good to know it's all a game
Disappointment has a name, it's heartbreak, heartbreak.

It's heartbreak warfare.
It's heartbreak warfare.
It's heartbreak warfare.

Courtesy http://www.lyricsreg.com/lyrics/john+mayer/Heartbreak+Warfare/

Not Here

We walk down a dead-end street

Trying to play a sad, slow beat

That isn’t here

Not anymore

As you beat on your drum

My world becomes numb

Because the love isn’t here

Not anymore

You go your own way

I won’t follow you today

Because my love isn’t here

Not anymore

You hold your head high

But I see it in your eye

The love isn’t here

Not anymore

That person you swore to

Told you’d always love more to

She’s not here

Not anymore

Did I tell you I loved you?

That was a lie, too

That truth isn’t here

Not anymore

You said you would always be so

A lover and never, ever a foe

But that person’s not here

Not anymore

Because we walk down a dead end street

We try to play a sad, slow beat

But it’s doesn’t exist here.

Not anymore.

The Magician Part 1

The stage is empty. The audience is quiet.

The curtain draw back and a spotlight blinds the audience.

They roar and cheer and stamp their feet like animals.

The magician takes the stage quietly, no introduction needed.

He waves his hand once and the audience settles back into their seats.

He regards them coldly, a look of near disgust on his face

Like a butcher eyeing pitiful pickings

Or a disappointed farmer sighing over his crops.

The magician shakes his head subtly and the audience holds a collective breath.

What wonders are to be performed here today?

Life and Death

I sheathe my sword and smile—victorious grin!—

But even through the sun a cloud looms

And I know my greatest victory is my greatest loss

A worthy foe, a fair fight

But a bloody cross is all that will keep the memory

Of my greatest opponent

How can this be right? How can this be fair?

How can I sit here and see the beauty that once was

Made into nothing more than another patch of grass

Another bard’s empty ballad?

I know the truth.

I did not vanquish. I nearly fell.

I fought not for honor, not to become a hero.

I fought to defend.

Now I have been made into what I am not.

Now my story will be told.

Now it will be twisted.

Now I am nothing more than a child’s tale—

Now I am a vain hero fighting for nothing.

But you know that isn’t true.

I fought only, ever for you.

When my enemy fell I could see your smile

And I knew—I was coming home!

Home to see your face and hold you once again—

The only place I have ever missed through all my ordeals.

That is why I smile. That is why I count death as life.

You are the life that I return to when my enemy is dead.

Is This War?

War is not war that brings you home

That sends you to play in the snow

That encourages you to laugh at the sky

When has it been so?

It is not true war, but a game.

Simply a game.

You taunt the trees

And laugh at the clouds

You bang on the fence posts

And tickle the enemy.

This is not war.

This is a child’s game.

Their giggles fill the air

And give way to piercing screams

As they run from each other

Brandishing wooden swords

And donning cocky hats

Their silly faces mock the captain

Forts are made to take cover in

From snow and wood and anything

They ride sticks as though they had horses

And the commoners bow and retreat

A muttering retreat

Full of giggles and whispers

Before a crowd breaks loose

They attack the trees

They swear they see Indians

And birds cackle at their mischief

A war party is on the move

The smell of gunpowder coats the air

They poke and prod as they take prisoners

And tiny screams echo

As dolls are scalped with sticks

And handed back to owners

Covered with dirt and sand

None the worse for wear

But all the worse for looks.

Kitchens are constructed

In thickets they hide food

Tied up in bundles to protect from bears

The mothers move about

Taking care of children

Cleaning guns for fathers

And cleaning the dirt from the dirt

The fathers shoulder their weapons

Head out the door and off to war

Mothers peer out windows

Waving filthy handkerchiefs

Before heading out themselves

Muskets are loaded

Shots ring out

Brave soldiers fall to the ground

Holding their stomachs

They lie for a moment

A tragic look on their faces

Before they jump off

Racing off into the woods

To hide the treasure

Of pirates, kings, and princesses

They rescue damsels in distress

And fight the fierce fire-breathers

Defending the lady’s family

And saving the castle and King Arthur

They sit around the round table

And feast for days

On mutton, venison, and birds

They use their knives to cut the bread

And dip thick chunks in goblets

Of wine and hot chocolate

Before they get too cold

Their fingers too numb to chop the trees

They turn and scramble through the words

Towards the warmth of mother

The promise of a fire

The hope of a real meal.

The war is over.

Comfort is sought.

War is not war that brings you in

That sends you to play in the snow

That encourages you to laugh at the sky

When has it been so?

It is not true war, but a game.

Simply a game.

You taunt the trees

And laugh at the clouds

You bang on the fence posts

And tickle the enemy.

This is not war.

This is a child’s game.

When children play at war

The world is at peace.

When the world is at war

The children stay indoors.

We Are

Man

Alone in a world of men

Afraid of nothing and everything

In a crowd he stands alone

Boys

Woman

The smallest of fights

The biggest of scandals

The smallest of scandals

The biggest of fights

Girls

Child

The world is a stage

To be played with, not caring

Never worrying while playing

A stage is a world

Infant

WE BECOME

Reader

Involved in a world

But never a part of the story

In the story an active role

Creator of worlds

Writer

Listener

Critic of the rhythm

Lover of the lyrics and melody

Thinker of melodious thoughts

His own worst critic

Composer

Consumer

Buys what is in the store

Uses and reuses what is bought

Supplies the world with goods

Makes what is needed

Producer

American

Supports those in power

Keeps the country in check and balance

Elects the officials or becomes one

Keeps the country a country

Citizen

Lost!

The tunnels trail ahead.

They are dark and wet.

The men are full of dread.

The darkness overwhelms.

No sight.

No sound.

Then- suddenly-

A lantern swings

In the gloom ahead

One voice calls out

One hopeless wail

‘Save me!

For I am lost-

So lost-

Lost in this

Darkness

Pressing in

All around me.’

The men come to a stop.

There is a collective breath.

The men at the front of the line

Claim they can smell death.

Horrible.

Hopeless.

Then- suddenly-

The cave opens wide.

A light pushes through.

The men throw their hands

Up to the ceiling and cry

‘We are saved!

For we were lost-

So lost-

Lost in this

Darkness

But now we see

The light!’