Cars

Who the heck was this crazy person? We were barely out of the lot when she took off, foot slamming the gas. She had only one hand on the steering wheel. She had no seatbelt on. She wasn't looking in her mirrors. She wasn't using the blinker. She wasn't doing a whole lot of anything a normal driver would do. I could see misfortune in the literal road ahead. I was scared for my shiny, metal life.

Life as a car is never easy. Never has been, never will be. In a wreck, though people might get hurt, it's us cars that really sustain the most damage. I mean, ouch. When we ram up against a giant one-ton truck...that hurts. People don't realize that. Ever. Uh huh. Yes. That's right. I'm a car. And I'm talking. To you. Yeah.

So. Listen up. When you're blazing down a country road lined with trees and cows, stomping on the pedal (which also pinches, by the way), please remember- if you hit one of those things, not only are you going to get injured, I'm going to be in PAIN. And that's something I don't like. Really. Cows are pretty solid when you hit them going at eighty. Ninety. One hundred and twenty. So slow down. And put your seatbelt on. That's why I have one. You're doing the right thing.