Shadows Past

Jaz was trained in secrecy. She knew every way to hide, every shadow to slip into. She knew how to blend in with a crowd, and she knew how to stick out.

Jaz knew what it was to be completely alone in a crowd of people.

With her shades on, Jaz looked like an average New York citizen. She knew the back-ways, the alleys, the clubs that were perfect if she needed to get out of sight. She could walk a million miles in the highest stilettos and not feel a thing. She could walked with heels and not make a sound. In short, Jaz was a pavement artist of epic proportions.

With her sunglasses on.

With her sunglasses off, however, Jaz was a different person. Her eyes scared most; those who didn't run from her gaze were either dead or used to her. When Jaz pushed her shades up on top of her head and pinned back her hair, her cold eyes pierced rooms and hearts alike.

Jaz's eyes were silver.

Not pure silver, of course. They were slightly shadowed, darker towards her irises, and sprinkled with gold flakes. The most striking thing about her eyes, however, was their age. Her eyes had seen things that no human should ever see. She had watched with cool indifference as her own firing had killed men; she had watched blood seep into the pavement. She had watched businessmen scream as they fell from stories-tall building; she had pushed them.

Jaz's dark past was cast in silver in her eyes. Only two emotions were left to her; greed and loneliness.

Life's Paints

Using her words as paints

And her tongue as a brush,

She begins the process of

Covering a canvas in color.

With every new sentence,

More shape is given and

The painting comes on slowly.

Her living, breathing passion

Forms the brightest of suns--

Yellows, oranges, reds together.

Her fears, tears, and her pain

Give shadows to the world--

Blues, grays, blacks, purples.

She speaks longingly of loves

And adds shades of hope there--

Pinks, blues, greens; vibrancy.

As she tells of her hopes and

Her fears for the coming future,

A scene appears on the canvas

Of a long, winding path.

It's simple and brownish but

It catches the eye and ear.

This path is most important

To the girl with the brush.

She dips into her soul to

Find the wondrous paints,

And shows to the world

Her life, love, imagination.

Her canvas is covered now

And her brush is set aside;

Her story is painted,

Her painting is told.

One Fire

Raging winds bite the earth

Digging in fangs that thirst for something more

Pushing trees to one side

Laughing at the misery of leaves in constant torment

One thing too many rubs against the dry ground

A tiny jubilant spark springs forth

It dances merrily against the wind

It spreads; it divides and conquers

It overtakes the wind and the two become one

Flying together around the dry world

Wreaking havoc, killing all

The desolation of one fire is terrible

The pain it can cause if you get too close

It burns and it eats away

Anything in its path is a dance floor

It stomps and romps and whistles as it goes

Never caring what the next obstacle is

This is the power of only one fire

What I Didn't Do

I'm sorry

For what I didn't do

For things I couldn't help

I'm sorry

That you're caught up in this

That you were left behind

I'm sorry

For getting so involved

For getting so blindsided

I'm sorry

That you just had to stand there

That you couldn't stop it

I'm sorry

For putting myself here

For not stopping what I could

I'm sorry

That I broke your heart

That I let you fall unchecked

I'm sorry

For not stepping in

For not holding you back

I'm sorry

That it was me instead

That I can't change the impossible

I'm sorry

For not thinking ahead

For what is clear now

I'm sorry

That I didn't do anything

That I had no control

I'm sorry

For what I didn't do

For things I couldn't help

I'm sorry

That I can't fix it

I'm sorry

That I'm sorry

Stars Among Us

As I wander this earth, weary and forlorn,

I stop in strange cities to view the sights.

I smell the air and inhale such wonders--

And this is when I realize

There are stars among us.

As their faces pass me by, I stop and stare.

I feel their confidence, their grace, their selflessness.

I talk to them and they smile and laugh,

And I feel like a friend

To the stars among us.

When they pass, they nod, always friendly.

They are like us in every way but one;

They are defnding me while I stand idly by,

And I feel so awed

By the stars among us.

When they take their own precious time to act

They leave their mark on this smoothed-over world.

They lend their hands to those in all walks of life,

And never tire,

These stars among us.

They are the firemen,

the policemen,

the soldiers,

the friends.

They are the stars among us.

To The Moon

Bright

Shining above me

Luminescent ball of hope

Spreading light on good and evil alike

Lighting the paths in

The darkest hours

Friend

Of shadows and men

Giving the world a soft gleam

Smiling down on the sleeping souls here

Shading a few but

Enlightening others

O Moon!

You light these pages

As my pen darkens them

You light my path as my feet cover it

You see us all at our

Weakest hour

Shine

Through my broken window

Through my shattered pain

Through my life's deceiving mask

Through my troubled sleep

Through my night

Light

My coming dreams

This twisted path of thought

The days drag on but nights are short

When you shine down the darkness's

Menacing face fades

Left

It hurts less every day

But that scar still remains

That hole in my heart

Won't ever fade away

I opened up to you

And I thought I was safe

You were just along for the ride

I made myself into your fool

The grass was so green

And the blue sky so clear

When we started this drive

But it was all just a dream

Now that piece of myself

I presented with love

It's been opened and left

It sits alone on that shelf

I used to cry at night

Trying to use my tears

To feel whole again but

Now I think I never might

But my tears have faded

Just like that horrible scar

The hole will never fill

I'm left feeling hated

I fell for you so hard

And for a while I thought

You loved me, too

But my perceptions are marred

You let me fall far

And it tore me apart

You left a deep gash

And you never felt sorry

But I'm slowly healing

Picking up the pieces

Starting all over again

And numbing the feelings

To My Friends :)

So having your wisdom teeth taken out does things to you. Let me tell you, painkillers are WEIRD. They make me tired and wired and itchy and hot and restless all at the same time. Man, I could sleep forEVER. Or at least that's what I say. Last night was a bit rough, though.

Being awake at 3 in the morning makes you think. You probably know this. Gosh, I so badly wanted to write, but I was shaking and in pain and I just couldn't get myself out of my warm bed. So here's what I remember from my restlessness last night:

1. I miss my friends. :)

2. I never want to have oral surgery EVER again.

3. My cheeks are more puffy than a chipmunks. No, sorry, no pictures.

4. I miss writing, and even when I feel this bad, I want to all the time.

5. Being tired all the time provides ample opportunity for awesome, book-inspiring dreams.

6. As much as I hate stress, I really do love school.

7. I am a procrastinator, and I forgot to bring a couple assignments home with me.

8. Netflix is the best thing ever if you feel like this.

That's about all I can remember. But yeah...

I am inspired by you guys. Thanks for keeping me in your prayers this week. I love you!

Also, Zephaniah 3:17.

I Know I Know

The sun is hidden behind a haze

And I can't see to get to you

No I can't seem to get through

This horrible hindering worldly maze

I know

I know

You're here

So near

Hold out your hand to me

And I will search through the pressing dark

Even though I'm sure to miss my mark

Because I cannot ever see

I know

I know

You're here

So near

Dear, I'm waiting at the door

I can feel the shadows so close

Inches away--a foot at the most

Their feet pound on the dirty floor

I know

I know

You're here

So near

But your grasp feels weak

And you act so distant

You seem so resistant

My sightless hands are seeking

I know

I know

You're here

So near

So save me

Pull me into your gaze

Out of this awful, dark haze

Open my heart--only you have the key

But Inside

I act so strong but
Inside I'm so weak
I fight the world away
But secretly long for it
I am independent but
Not without you near
I carry a strong sword
But to me it's so heavy
I shoulder my load but
I'm bending under the weight
I brave the darkest nights
But I shy away from shadows
I stare into your eyes but
Somehow I'm still sightless
I push you so far away
But I want you to hold me
I am ready for the battle but
My armor is full of holes
I pull back my bow of bitterness
But fall so short of the mark
I aim for your heart but
Instead I pass right by
I open my own doors
But they all close behind me
I act so strong but
Inside I'm weak and alone
I fight the world away
But secretly I long for you

The Falcon and the Hawk

The girl stared at the gun barrel with a cold, calculating indifference in her old eyes. It seemed to Vann that the girl's eyes were not the same age as the rest of her; they had seen too much too soon. This, however, was Vann's last thought.

The gun smoked as the girl slid it coolly back into her purse. She looked at the man, laughed shallowly, then turned on a shiny silver stiletto heel and continued on her way. The black jewelry hanging from her neck clinked gently with the sway of her hips, and her dirty blond hair swished and fluttered in the cool evening breeze. She pushed her sunglasses down over her eyes, and with a smile tickling the corner of her lips, she broke through the crowd outside the club, flashed her ID, and walked in without a word.

The Falcon was a high-class, celeb-only type of club. Only the elite gained entrance. Jaz was neither elite nor celeb, but no one bothered to look twice when she waved her license in their faces. The bouncers backed away and waved her in the doors, and she strutted to the center of the dance floor, doing a quick once-over of the room. Jaz's jaw was set when she took off across the room towards a small metal door. Her hair whipped behind her, and her silver dress made no sound. The only noise she made was the sharp 'click-click' of her heels on the tile of the dance floor.

Jaz pressed her ear flat to the door. Anyone watching would not have noticed her quick knock and her mumbled password; they would only have seen a shockingly beautiful girl lean on a door and then quickly fall into the room behind it.

She shut the door quickly behind her, then took off her shades. Her eyes pierced the darkness, quickly finding the desk and the large, sweating man seated behind it. She nodded to him and laid a thick manila envelope on the desk.

"Done," was all she said.

The fat man nodded and slid a thin folder toward her. "Time for number two. This guy's got a record with us. Owes about two mil, and he's evaded my best for a full year. You find him, you get twice this much," he said, putting a small briefcase on the desk.

Jaz nodded, grabbed both the folder and the briefcase, and walked back out the door. Her sunglasses went down again, and she slid out of the club just as quickly as she had entered it.

The briefcase thumped against her leg, and a single, shifty-eyed man watched her carry it down the street. He noticed with interest that the case read "N.J.Hawk."

With You

I drum my nails

On the hard rails

Contemplating

Not complaining

Of the present

I'm so content

To stay here

With you near

I smile

For a whille

And you

Grin too

Your eyes

Produce sighs

When you're looking

At me I sing

Even with

This myth

I'm hard to get

It's you I met

And I fell

Don't tell

It's you I love

My mourning dove

Standing in the rain

You take away the pain

You make me laugh

A perfect smile graph

Even in a storm

You keep me warm

So I'm not complaining

Just contemplating

Thinking of

Our love

And I try

Not to cry

When you're away

And clouds are gray

I think of you

And they turn blue

Meet The Beauty

Once upon a time...

There was a beautiful girl. This girl was made all the prettier by the fact that she did not think she was beautiful. This girl lived outside of a small village. The village was full of older people, mostly retired. Every day, the girl walked four round-trip miles to take care of the older people. She brought warm meals, blankets, and stories. The people loved her and repaid her for her kindness with money. The girl, being humble, took only what she needed and nothing more. Every day, because of her kindness and humility, the girl grew more beautiful.

One day, a strange man moved to the village. He was younger than most of the others there: more active, darker hair, and lighter skin. He smiled often and laughed loudly. The people of the town came to love his humor, but no one knew where he was from. No one bothered to ask.

The girl, however, was drawn to the strange man, and asked him many questions. Though never entirely answering them, the man always smiled and countered her queries with a smile and another question. The girl loved talking to the man.

One day, she asked the question no one else would.

"What is your name, sir?" she asked.

The man grew suddenly quiet and solemn. Quickly the girl--Lizza was her name--apologized. "Sir, if I have offended you, I am sorry. I meant nothing by my question."

The man smiled at her, but his eyes were sad. "Lizza," he said, "you have brought me memories of a time that I wished to forget. I was once the husband of a girl...so like yourself. I loved her, but she had no experience with the world, and when I gave her the option, she left me." He sighed. "Lizza, darling, I do not want you to be like her. I want you to know who you are. Do me one favor."

"Anything!" She exclaimed.

The man walked to his desk and, retrieving a key from his deepest pocket, unlocked a drawer. From the drawer he pulled a small metal box. This, too, he unlocked. He handed Lizza the contents. She stared at it in wonder and disbelief--$20,000!

"Why are you giving me this?!" she wondered aloud.

The man smiled again. "My girl, go into the world. Leave this village. Go learn the ways of people your own age. Gather experience. Leave! That is what I ask."

Lizza lowered her head and looked at the money in her hand. She had promised the man; she would keep her promise, but she already regretted having to leave the village.

Sunlight Like Pearls

Today

The world is dancing

It picked up cloud skirts

And tiptoed through the roses

It tossed sunlight like pearls

It sighed a cool breeze

And ran off to bed

Tonight

The world is singing

It put on stars like jewelry

And it's showing it off

The sky hugs the ground

And wraps it in clouds

Then kisses it with the moon