29 January 2011

Rage

Fists pumping
Heart racing
I'm so tired of feeling this way
But this feeling won't leave me alone

Running hard
Breathing heavily
Pushing through the oddest pain
To get the most from this terrible state

Eyes watering
Teeth grinding
Wanting it to end soon
But knowing I'll miss the adrenaline

Feet pounding
Mind whirring
Trying to control my temper
But not succeeding, not even close

Slowing down
Letting go
Now I'm out of breath
And I can't see straight

Gasping often
Bent double
The ground rises to meet me
And I let the grass envelop me

27 January 2011

Just A Ghost

I'm just a ghost
Going through life
Like I don't even care
Walking through lives
Like I'm walking
Through a dream
Are those faces?
I can barely see
I don't realize
When you stand
In front of me
My eyes are
Somewhere else
My mind is left behind
Nothing's making sense
I see but don't
I hear but don't listen
I can't tell truth
From the lie anymore
I'm living on the edge
Not realizing it
Never knowing
I'm one step from
The perilous edge
Keep me from falling
Is what I wish
On shooting stars
The sky's vividness
Is fading to grey
The greenest greens
Seem horribly pale
The warmest breeze
Sends me to chills
I lay awake at night
Without knowing why
I can't tell
If it's all in my head
Or is it all real?
I'm just a ghost
Going through life
Like I don't even care
Walking through lives
Like I'm walking
Through a dream

25 January 2011

Just Letters

Dear X,
I have decided that you are my inspiration. My hero. You are the person that, right now, I most want to be like. Your life was so full, so wonderful! So complete, and you were so young. Almost as young as I am now. And yet, you did so much. I look up to you, now in more than one way.
But I have a secret to tell you. I am not like you, not at all. At least, I don't think I am. I am quiet around people I don't know well. I am shy at times. Other times, I talk too much. You were so great around everyone. Everyone that knew you loved you so much. You were a light to all those lost in the dark, shining so brightly, pointing them in the right direction, just as a lighthouse guides ships safely to shore. I want to be like you. Help me? Send me advice and wisdom from where you are!
I know that you can't really do anything to help me in the physical sense, but you are driving me to more than what I was before. This past week, I have accomplished so much. Yet there is still so much lacking! I have so many things I want to do with my life, but I either don't know how to begin, don't want to, or simply can't without something more.
So. You are my personal 'trainer.' Or, you are in a way. You are my conscience, in a way, my accountability coach with the things I want to accomplish. You are the one that I will tell things to. Not just little things that I want everyone else to know, too, but important things, things that matter to me. And I know just where to start.
This is going to be an amazing journey for me, and I will always remember you through this.
Love,
M

24 January 2011

I Miss You, Friend

Seeing life from your eyes
Everything is different
The blue of the sky
Looks a little more blue
The sun up above
Is brighter and warmer
The world spins slowly
But still time passes quickly

I was having a hard day
A challenging year
But your perspective
Changed my life
Now I feel that I can see
Everything, good and bad
Though the outlook is bleak
There is still hope in you

How can you see through the pain
And make this world
So much better for people
Like me, lost and lonely
How can you work so hard
When you know you
Will never profit from it
And only I will see tomorrow

I don't want you to leave here
I don't ever want you gone
Stay right beside me
Bring me this constant clarity
This hope in the darkness
This calling for higher purpose
Give me the strength to carry on
Even though you are gone!

Thank you, Brandon, for what you did for the people that knew you. Thank you for making the world a better place even though you weren't meant to be here to see the good triumph. Thank you for encouraging me, through your death, to live for something more than just 'getting things done.' I feel like I haven't done enough, and you showed me that the little things count. Thank you for being who you were in life. Thank you, God, for bringing my brother in you home, as painful as it is for those of us that must stay behind. I miss you, Brandon, and I will always remember you!

20 January 2011

Work It

After I work out
I just want to shout
I'm limping all day
But I like it that way
It feels so good
Just the way is should
Adrenaline rush
Laziness crushed
I'm running on empty
But man I've got plenty
I'm ready for more
I like feeling sore
My heart pounding hard
When I'm beaten and scarred
My face drips with sweat
But man you can bet
It's the best that I've felt
Though not the best I've ever smelled...

19 January 2011

Love Is

Love is a fickle, ever moving thing
Hard to find and harder still to hold
The song that everyone wishes to sing

It's the sun that melts the icy cold
The sight of smiling eyes
The heart's wish to be strong and bold

Laughter that stills the desperate cries
Of a friend in sadness and pain
Desperate after so many failed tries

Love is standing in pouring rain
Or even in freezing snow
Being there even if it seems insane

Love is hard to hold in your hand
Even when you're holding mine
Love is a shiny wedding band

Love is a thing far too fine
For poets, bards, muses, gods, faeries,
And even simple folk to define

18 January 2011

Somebody To Love

Sometimes you just get a little desperate...

Can anybody find me somebody to love?
Each morning I get up I die a little
Can barely stand on my feet
Take a look in the mirror and cry
Lord what you're doing to me
I have spent all my years believing you
But I just can't get no relief, Lord!
Somebody, somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love?

I work hard every day of my life
I work till I ache in my bones
At the end I take home my hard earned pay all on my own -
I get down on my knees
And I start to pray
Till the tears run down from my eyes
Lord - somebody - somebody
Can anybody find me - somebody to love?

(He works hard)

Everyday - I try and I try and I try -
But everybody wants to put me down


They say I'm goin' crazy
They say I got a lot of water in my brain
I got no common sense
I got nobody left to believe
Yeah - yeah yeah yeah

Oh Lord
Somebody - somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love?

Got no feel, I got no rhythm
I just keep losing my beat
I'm ok, I'm alright
I ain't gonna face no defeat
I just gotta get out of this prison cell
Someday I'm gonna be free, Lord!

10x Find me somebody to love
Can anybody find me somebody to love?